Why
is it that I feel guilty for being in my pajamas all day? Honestly, I don’t
live this way every single day, but today was just one of those days. It has
been raining, my knees are killing me (that’s what I get for pulling a giant
pile of weeds out of the front yard!), and I’m trying to ward off an impending
migraine. So, I stayed in my pajamas, I didn’t do any housework, and didn’t do
any office work. I watched movies with the kids, read books, and drank a lot of
tea. And now it’s evening and I feel guilty. I did not accomplish anything
today. I was not productive. I didn’t “earn my keep” so to speak.
There’s
this strange societal expectation to be busy all the time. It’s as if we assume
that life must be full of things to do or it isn’t worthwhile. It seems like it
is some sort of competition to see whose life is the most “productive”. Does
anyone else feel this way, or is it just me?
I
think that it can be even worse if you are a stay-at-home parent. I suppose it
stems from this need to be defensive about what we do all day. You know that
whole joke about sitting around all day eating bon-bons and watching soap
operas - if we make ourselves crazy with things to accomplish then we prove the
stereotype wrong. Heaven forbid we admit that we need a day off once in a
while! Wouldn’t it be nice if labour laws applied to stay-at-home parents?
Of
course, I think my feelings of guilt are worsened by the fact that my husband
works 80 hours a week. I’ve always had this insecurity about our relationship -
I’m paranoid that I’m somehow the “lesser” partner. However, I’m starting to
realize that I probably work as many hours as he does, it’s just a different
sort of work. I don’t make money staying home with the kids so somehow it seems
like my working hours are less valid. None of how I am feeling is in any way
due to my husband. He has never undermined what I do each day, it is all coming
from myself.
Somewhere
along the way I got it in my head that being a woman in the modern world meant
that you had to be in a constant state of frenzy. You know how they say that
now we can “have it all”? Well, that seems like a very vague description to me.
All what? There could be dozens of definitions of what “all” really is. Many
seem to think it means you can have kids, marriage, and a career – no need to
give up anything. Not to mention spending time at the gym, participating in PTA
meetings, having your kids in every activity possible, a house full of
Pinterest worthy DIY projects… you get my point. It seems to me that “having it
all” somehow means not having enough time to enjoy what you have. Maybe I don’t
really want to have it all, at least not by that definition. So why do I still feel like I am somehow
not living up to my fullest potential if I don’t do all these things?
I
guess it is going to take some time and practice before I can spend a day in
yoga pants with no make-up on and not feel like I’m a slacker.
I really enjoyed this. You know, when I read that your husband works 80 hours/week I thought that "Wow, all the better reason to have her there for their kids! How good that she is there." Day care or a sitter can't replace what the mom brings, even when it's 'just' a movies and pjs day. Thanks for sharing! Rock on in your role!
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