When you realize your children’s toys have become the bane of your existence…

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Seriously, some days I feel like our house is drowning in toys. I have been pretty good about teaching the kids to pick up after themselves. They know that before bedtime toys need to be cleaned up and bedrooms need to be tidy. Some days this is even accomplished without my having to nag about it. However, I still end up having to do some of the work and this has led me to the realization that there is just too much stuff! Why do we have all these toys? Half the time the kids get them out for about five seconds then they move on to the next thing. It has all just accumulated over the years to the point that I feel our house is overrun with it all. Now, I know there are a lot of folks out there that will not agree with me. I know lots of families that have entire playrooms full of toys, and that’s nice and all; but, what if I don’t want to use up an entire room just for toys? What if I actually don’t really want more square footage in my house just so I can accommodate a habit of accumulation?

I think back to when I grew up and of course I had toys, but nowhere near the amount that my kids have. I had a few dolls and stuffed animals, there was a shoe box full of Barbies (which I really only played with when other girls came over to play), and a shoe box with my tea set…. and that’s about it.  My brothers had their own toys as well, but it was the same as myself- limited. And you know what? I don’t ever remember being bored with nothing to do. Lately I’ve been on an organizing spree (okay, I am pretty much always on an organizing spree), and I thought about getting some toy cubbies, you know the kind you find at Ikea and such, because there just isn’t enough storage space for all the toys to stay organized. Then it hit me. Maybe the answer isn’t more storage, maybe the answer is getting rid of some of the crap that they don’t need to begin with!

This whole de-clutter and de-junk method is a bit of a debate between my husband and I. He doesn’t like to get rid of anything. I think if he was not married to me he would be in serious danger of being a borderline hoarder. I would like to get rid of some of the toys that my son once played with but haven’t seen use in years, but my husband argues that our daughter might want to play with them as she gets older. Here’s the thing, if they aren’t there to be played with she won’t know the difference, will she?

I’m noticing that the mentality of more is better is total BS. Honestly, more is just more exhausting. Having more things seems to often mean less time to actually enjoy them. I don’t want my kids growing up thinking that having lots of “things” somehow makes life better or more enjoyable. The scary thing is that I already see this happening with my son and he’s only six. It’s no longer the case that getting new toys is a treat, it’s almost like it has become an expectation. Kids learn by example. They may ignore everything you say, but you can count on them watching everything you do. So, as I’m on this journey to simplify my own life, I am hoping I will show my kids how to do the same. Step number one: this weekend the kiddo and I are going to do some serious sorting and purging. I don’t believe in getting rid of the toys behind his back, I think it is important that he be a part of the process. He decides what stays and what goes, but I can help him figure it out.

When you realize you have a love-hate relationship with money…

            I hate the word “budget”. I mean REALLY hate it. The main reason for this is probably because I suck at setting a budget and sticking to it, so the word just reminds me of my probable failure. So, I would like to first say that I am not doing the budget thing. Nope, we are calling this by a different name because the “b word” is too discouraging. Some people refer to it as a “spending diet”, but I also hate diets so that won’t work either. So, let’s just say that I am practicing financial control. After all, in many other aspects I am a control freak - we’re talking borderline OCD here - so I can work with the term “financial control”.

            Now, it isn’t like I have some obscene amount of compiled debt. I have some personal debt, more than I would like, more than I could pay off in three months. Being in debt makes me feel sick, actually physically ill, so really for me this is a health issue. I have some, shall we say quirks, which make my life a little interesting. I battle with depression and also struggle with anxiety attacks. Money issues tend to cause my anxiety to flare up to epic proportions, which is misery for everyone in my household. I am medicated, which helps; however, like my doctor so often reminds me, medication is a stepping stone but it is not a solution. So, in an effort to make myself a little healthier, and to make my life a little less frantic, I am setting out to gain control over my personal spending habits, and maybe simplify my life in the process.

            Some people wouldn’t classify my spending as problematic. I don’t spend large amounts and make big purchases. I am a light spender… but I am also a frequent light spender. Twenty dollars here, ten dollars there -lots of little splurges adding up before I have a chance to catch up. It is time for the madness to stop! So, here is my list of things I will be doing in an effort to get things under control - so I can get back to feeling less like a slave to the plastic cards in my wallet, and more like a healthy and sane (or saner) person.

1.     Accountability. This is the big one! Having someone that I answer to about my spending is key. This will be my husband primarily. Not that I want him policing me on my spending, because that would just create a whole new batch of problems, but someone that occasionally asks me how things are going, or has access to my spending info so I can’t pretend that I haven’t spent money. Posting this is also a big part of it. Its one thing to tell yourself you’re going to change your spending habits, but telling other people means it is public knowledge.

2.     The receipt basket. This is part of the whole accountability thing. I am setting a small basket on the kitchen counter. Every time I spend money the receipt goes in the basket, right where I can see it. There’s no ignoring how often I spend money, because the more I spend, the higher the receipts will pile.

3.     The envelope system. Gag. I hate doing this. Plastic is just so much more convenient. It is also so much easier to lose track of what you spend. So, cash it is. This will involve that dreaded “b word” that we won’t mention. After dividing my monthly income into the envelopes they will be hidden away. The cash comes out when I need it. This will help prevent impulse buys while I am out and about.

4.     Amazon and I will be taking a break in our relationship. I love Amazon! It is my drug of choice! The best (or worst) part of it all: my credit card information is conveniently saved onto my account, so I just click and say goodbye to my money without having to think twice. This is why I have deleted my credit card information from my account. So even if I think about slipping I will at least have to retrieve my credit card and enter my information manually. Hopefully that will be enough of a delay to make me think twice about what I am doing. In general though, I think it is better if I just avoid visiting the site altogether. So, I’ve decided we need to take a break. Don’t worry Amazon, it’s not you, it’s me.   

5.     Get organized. This is multi-faceted. One step will be meal plans, or at least sort of. Honestly, our schedule is a bit of a gong show so scheduling meals is kind of futile. But I can make a rough list of meals for the week to pick and choose from, and make sure I have what I need for each so I don’t have those last minute trips to the grocery store or the impulse to order pizza at five o’clock. Another aspect is avoiding small, unexpected expenses by stocking up my car, stroller, diaper bag, etc. For example, making sure I have water and snacks in them all so I don’t end up being out with hungry kids who are screaming for something to eat, which leads to buying snacks (this is especially important since my kids eat like little hobbits).

6.     Rise and shine. Ugh. I am so not a morning person. I feel like throwing my phone through the window when my alarm goes off in the morning. However, getting up earlier and giving myself time to get ready for the day before I get the kiddo off to school will give me a better start to the day. Normally I don’t get myself ready until after I’ve taken him to school. However, if I’m actually ready, and by that I mean not still in my pajamas with yesterday’s mascara smeared across my face, then we could actually walk to school. It is only about a fifteen-minute walk with the kids, and it will save on gas, not to mention that I could probably use the exercise. More money, less cellulite.

7.     Avoid temptation. The mall is a pretty obvious choice here. However, there are places that are probably just as bad or even worse than the mall when it comes to impulse buying. For example, Superstore. Oh, how I love Superstore. Everything I need is under one roof. There’s no running from store to store with both kids when I need more than just groceries. Everything in one place, all expenses on one receipt… which means I can pretend that all I bought were groceries and household items even though I may have a few things in there that I picked up in the clothing section. It doesn’t help that the kid clothes are just so dang cute and cheap (I like buying clothes for my kids much more than buying clothes for myself). So, although the groceries may be a bit cheaper there, it might be worth it to shop at a regular grocery store. I may spend a bit more on the groceries, but I will probably save a lot in the end because I won’t have the temptation to spend on other non-essentials.

8.     Sell, Sell, Sell. It is time to clear out all the junk that we really don’t use or need. I got a start on this already by taking our excess strollers (three to be exact - yes I know that is ridiculous) to the consignment store. Also, I am starting to sell stuff online (thank you Kijiji). The money can go towards paying down some of that debt.

9.     Get tips from the spending savvy. This involves finding blogs, websites, etc. that include tips on saving money in every aspect possible. I have already found a few that seem to be a good match for me, so I will try to make it a habit to browse these rather than browsing Amazon or ModCloth.

10. Give myself a break. Let’s be realistic, if I go too extreme here I am going to snap. So, I will set aside money each month for little extras. When that money is gone, it is gone and there’s no more fun money. This will be so I can maintain things like the traditional Tim Horton’s Thursdays with the kids, or my giant Diet Coke when I fill up the car with gas.    

When you look in the mirror and wonder, “Who the heck is this person staring back at me?”

So, life has been a bit hectic lately. That is probably understating it, but I’ll try not to be too dramatic. The whirlwind of the last few years has got me feeling breathless, tired, and even a bit confused. How did things get so out of control? When did this become my idea of living a good life? Where’s that idealistic girl I used to see staring back at me in the mirror?

Here’s the thing, we live in a society that makes living a chaotic life normal. In fact, it’s almost as if it is applauded. If you’re not running frantic then you must not be living a full life. Now, having small kids does lead to a bit of chaos. Add to that owning a business and things really get interesting. But, a lot of the chaos isn’t exactly necessary - it is part of choosing a certain lifestyle. We live in society of “more is more”. It is the life of perpetual dissatisfaction, because nothing is ever enough. No house is ever big enough, no car is ever fast enough, and no tech gadget is ever new enough. There is always something bigger and better out there. As soon as you get what you want something new pops up and takes its place. What happened to the idea of “less is more”?

I used to not be this person. In fact, I was the opposite of this. I was the girl that wanted to live in a little cottage, plant a garden, and live simple. And now…. well, let’s just say that I have let myself get sucked into the consumerist cycle. I had this light bulb moment the other day: I was browsing around on e-Plans (a totally addictive site for checking out cool house plans) and I started looking at the house plans that I’ve saved over the years. There’s a few from about 5 years back that I have kept, and then there were the ones I found myself looking at lately… they’re like double in size. When did I become the person who wanted all these “extras” in a home? Why the hell would I be looking at a floor plan for a 4000 square foot house? Seriously, who is supposed to clean and take care of that beast? I used to be such a minimalist. I grew up in a small home. A lot of people would find it strange that I shared a room with my two older brothers. Maybe it isn’t the norm, but frankly I think it was a pretty great way to grow up. My house might not have been the biggest house, but it was home, it was the place I wanted to be. Heck, it was the place my friends wanted to be. We didn’t have guest rooms, a formal dining space, a den, mudroom, and all the extra little luxuries that seem to become standard today. And I never wanted them. I wanted simple and cozy. Having more space just leads to accumulating more things that you have to take care of. It is a snowball effect. So, when did I start to change? When did I become the girl looking at the 4000 square foot house and thinking that was the dream?

Realizing how much I’ve changed made me feel sick to my stomach. Change can be a good thing, but not if it makes you into someone you don’t want to be. So now I think it’s time that I start making an effort to change again. It’s time to get back to the person I am deep down, to the girl that I used to see in the mirror and like. It is time to start simplifying my life, learning to appreciate the freedom that living with less can bring, and remembering that “more” is not necessarily better.