These
days I find that I am a little bit anti-social. Okay, I’m completely
anti-social. I have no desire to engage in small talk with people. I don’t have
the patience to socialize. Patience is something I struggle with- patience with
myself, patience with my kids, patience with people in general. It’s sort of a
big problem. This lack of patience is greatly increased by sleep deprivation.
Now,
to all you parents out there who have babies who sleep well at night, this is
something you may not fully grasp.
Oh, and I hate you.
Okay, I don’t actually hate you. I am fully aware that it is
not your fault that none of my babies have been sound sleepers. It’s no one’s
fault, in fact. Each kid comes wired a bit differently. Mine don’t seem to be
wired for deep sleep, at least not until they are about two years old, then
things start to click and nights become much more restful.
So,
I don’t hate you parents with kids that sleep, but I also don’t want to hear
about it. I don’t want to hear about how your baby was sleeping six hours by
the time they were three months old. This sort of information sort of makes me
want to flip you the bird and then avoid any further contact with you. This may
seem like a bit of an overreaction, but lack of sleep tends to bring that out
in people. Oh, and please don't try and tell me all your tricks and methods for how
you get your babies to sleep. Trust me, I've heard it all, read it all,
and tried a lot of it (letting them "cry it out" is not an option- but let's not get into that debate).
Most
evenings I get in bed hoping that I will be blessed with at least a three hour
stretch- not several three hour stretches through the night, just one. Because
if my kid does happen to have a longer stretch of sleep at the beginning of the
night that is all I get, after that it’s short little dozes for the rest of the
night. If I get three hours of sleep it is a good night. Three hours. How
insane is that?
Now,
if you happen to be a light sleeper, which I am, then it is even more problematic.
Every movement, every whimper, a little snort or snore, and I find myself
awake. So, basically I am constantly being woken up. And it’s not just the
baby.
If my seven
year old starts talking in his sleep, in his room, I hear it.
If my husband starts to snore, I’m awake.
My two-year old starts to stir in her room, and I know
she’s about to wake up and say she has to pee, so I am awake.
Basically it’s just one giant suck-fest of no sleep for this
momma.
Of
course, it is totally all worth it in the long run. I wouldn’t trade my kids
for all the sleep in the world (okay, some days I might feel otherwise). However,
this exhaustion completely throws any shred of patience I used to have out the
window. Whatever little bit I can muster has to be used on my children, so that
I don’t find myself suddenly turning into Mommie Dearest. So, I have no patience for other
people. It is the main cause of my anti-social attitude. I leave the house when it is necessary.
I socialize when I must. As for the idea of spending time with other people for
enjoyment -forget it! I find it draining. Whatever energy I am able to gather
is very precious; too precious to spend on anyone other than my family.
Sorry.
(But not really)
