When you look in the mirror and wonder, “Who the heck is this person staring back at me?”

So, life has been a bit hectic lately. That is probably understating it, but I’ll try not to be too dramatic. The whirlwind of the last few years has got me feeling breathless, tired, and even a bit confused. How did things get so out of control? When did this become my idea of living a good life? Where’s that idealistic girl I used to see staring back at me in the mirror?

Here’s the thing, we live in a society that makes living a chaotic life normal. In fact, it’s almost as if it is applauded. If you’re not running frantic then you must not be living a full life. Now, having small kids does lead to a bit of chaos. Add to that owning a business and things really get interesting. But, a lot of the chaos isn’t exactly necessary - it is part of choosing a certain lifestyle. We live in society of “more is more”. It is the life of perpetual dissatisfaction, because nothing is ever enough. No house is ever big enough, no car is ever fast enough, and no tech gadget is ever new enough. There is always something bigger and better out there. As soon as you get what you want something new pops up and takes its place. What happened to the idea of “less is more”?

I used to not be this person. In fact, I was the opposite of this. I was the girl that wanted to live in a little cottage, plant a garden, and live simple. And now…. well, let’s just say that I have let myself get sucked into the consumerist cycle. I had this light bulb moment the other day: I was browsing around on e-Plans (a totally addictive site for checking out cool house plans) and I started looking at the house plans that I’ve saved over the years. There’s a few from about 5 years back that I have kept, and then there were the ones I found myself looking at lately… they’re like double in size. When did I become the person who wanted all these “extras” in a home? Why the hell would I be looking at a floor plan for a 4000 square foot house? Seriously, who is supposed to clean and take care of that beast? I used to be such a minimalist. I grew up in a small home. A lot of people would find it strange that I shared a room with my two older brothers. Maybe it isn’t the norm, but frankly I think it was a pretty great way to grow up. My house might not have been the biggest house, but it was home, it was the place I wanted to be. Heck, it was the place my friends wanted to be. We didn’t have guest rooms, a formal dining space, a den, mudroom, and all the extra little luxuries that seem to become standard today. And I never wanted them. I wanted simple and cozy. Having more space just leads to accumulating more things that you have to take care of. It is a snowball effect. So, when did I start to change? When did I become the girl looking at the 4000 square foot house and thinking that was the dream?

Realizing how much I’ve changed made me feel sick to my stomach. Change can be a good thing, but not if it makes you into someone you don’t want to be. So now I think it’s time that I start making an effort to change again. It’s time to get back to the person I am deep down, to the girl that I used to see in the mirror and like. It is time to start simplifying my life, learning to appreciate the freedom that living with less can bring, and remembering that “more” is not necessarily better.